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Green, Cost of a Lifestyle.

Posted by lofgray on April 12, 2008

In a recent interview, Green was asked about his rural upbringing in the Crayola box of eight. Unfortunately for inquiring minds, green replied with “I don’t remember.” It is easy to see why our favorite color has selective memory. He traded in his paper wrapper for a more sophisticated designer label and moved away from the Crayola box altogether. Long gone are the days when Green could be seen chillin’ out in a VW van strumming away on a used guitar. He no longer marches at rallies or participates in free love concerts. Green reportedly has shunned the lower class completely. He ignores the broken used crayons in the inner cities and ostracizes those that are unable to participate in his trademark lifestyle. Has a loyal following of Senators, Celebrities, and fortune five hundred companies made Green a snob?

It may be only speculation and gossip that Green has become an elitist but, evidence still remains. The products and services Green Inc. provides costs well over all other brands. Organic milk costs twice as much as regular whole milk. Green cleaning products are also more expensive than the common brands. Since the introduction of ethanol fuel, gas prices have increased at record rates. Sure we can blame big oil but, we can’t ignore that Green is somehow involved.

Green Inc’s other product releases could also indicate his desire to associate with a higher class. Greenhome.com advertises a solar power and wind powered cell phone/I-pod charger for use in vehicles. Granted most automobiles have a rechargeable battery built in but, these chargers are stamped with the green lifestyle approval. A solar paneled backpack is also available to charge small electronic devices. Although possibly acceptable for a short hike where you wouldn’t need a charger, it appears insufficient in size for the practical seasoned camper. For the eco-friendly computer enthusiast Green Inc. also provides a 1G Firefly flash drive that decomposes easier than the traditional model.

Although some of Green’s products seem silly (compostable potato scrap cutlery) he may have hit a homerun with the MDI Air Powered CityCat recently advertised in Popular Mechanics. This revolutionary automobile is currently in preparation to be released in India. It may also be the only reasonably priced Green product with the current estimated price just under $13,000.

When we asked Green about these elitist allegations, legislative influence rumors, and price gouging practices his office was unable to respond. Shortly after our inquiry we were contacted by several faithful Green living followers who were more than willing to impose their beliefs, practices, and lifestyle upon us. When we humbly disagreed with their argument we were call several things which we cannot repeat here and threatened. To their disappointment this did not dispel any of the mentioned rumors. If anything their behavior only strengthens the argument.

Due to the mentioned threats this message will self destruct.


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